Dear You

Hi. How are you?


Do you remember a little thing, from when we were sitting in front of the Art Building? You sat next to me. We talked about life, dreams, and our feelings. I still remember clearly how you hugged me, you held me while we ran to avoid the rain and you pinched my cheeks.

“Can a person accept something irrational, like falling in love with someone?” you wrote it. This is one little thing out of many that makes me love you. I love your writings and I love you so much, too much. If I don't love you, I would not effortly look for you since you published your writing at 2016.

We were together. But then, suddenly you left me without saying good bye. I forced myself to reach you, but I could not. I asked you why but there was no answer. From then till now, I come to the point of… am I not worthy for everyone? What is wrong with me? Are there any mistakes that I did or that I do? Why you left me without saying anything? I blame myself for all the mistakes that I never know. I hate myself, since a year ago. I can't live with these shitty feelings.

I used to dream of you once a week. I always ask myself, what's wrong with me, and you there, with your own comfortable life, don't know about anything, do you? I said that you have a comfortable life because you know everything while I don't, you can live your life fully. You may sleep tightly, but I let myself sleep with upset feelings each night. What are my mistakes? Could you say something about it? If there was a problem, why didn't you talk to me? Why does everything has to be like this? Why does since a year ago till now I still have to ask about all these things?

It feels like life is unfair. You know everything while I don't. I'm too tired of thinking, I know you'll never give me a chance to know something. But I think, the struggle that I have is enough. I don't know what can make me relieved. Maybe this writing can be one of things that make me relieved.

It took a long time for me to have such courage like this, where I'm able to pour all my emotions like this. I wrote this not because I want you back. I almost lost my sanity so I want to be happy and I deserve to be happy.

You don't need to reply this, my thought, my feelings, if you don't want to. And also, I wish I'm the last victim of your ghosting manner.



October 14th, 2019
Written by: Desty
Edited by: Assyifa